Are YOU a homophone?
A homophone, in case you do not know, is a word that has a different meaning for each different spelling, but always sounds the same; such as “be”, “bee”, and “Bea”. There are hundreds of these in the English language, and it is one of the first subjects tackled when teaching ESL. It is a subject that has been taught and discussed with absolutely no controversy for well over a hundred years.
Until now . . .
This week I was fired for writing a blog about homophones for an educational website.
“I’m letting you go because I can’t trust you” said Clarke Woodger, my boss and the owner of Nomen Global Language Center. “This blog about homophones was the last straw. Now our school is going to be associated with homosexuality.”
I said nothing, stunned into silence.
“I had to look up the word” he continued, “because I didn’t know what the hell you were talking about. We don’t teach this kind of advanced stuff to our students, and it’s extremely inappropriate. Can you have your desk cleaned out by eleven this morning? I’ll have your check ready.”
I nodded, mute.
“Good. You’ve done a good job on most things, but you’re just not reliable enough. I never have any idea what you’re going to do next. I can’t run my business that way. You’d probably make a great college professor, but since you don’t have a degree you’ll never get that kind of work. I would advise you to try something clerical, where you’ll be closely supervised and have immediate goals at all times. That’s the only kind of job you’ll ever succeed at. I’ll be happy to give you a good reference. Good-bye, and good luck.”
He rose, shook my hand, and left the conference room where we had been sitting.
I was out the door, at the bus stop, by 11:05.
After depositing my check at the bank I walked home along the Provo River Path. It was warm, but isolated thunderheads kept the sun in check. The river is low and smells of sewers. Trout are frantically leaping up the spillway by the Columbia Lane Bridge. Dozens of swallows have built their nests under the bridge; they describe wide, frantic circles and give high peeps when they land at their mud-daubed nests. It was pleasant to stop there – now that I have all the time in the world again.
Further along the path is a wild cherry tree growing up from the bank of the river. Underneath the cherry tree is a green wire bench installed by the Parks and Recreation Department. I sat down to rest there. The cherries are dead ripe and falling onto the pathway, where they are mashed by pedestrians and bicyclists. Wasps stay busy feeding on the sweet pulp. A homeless man, shouldering a towering backpack, his white beard stained brown with tobacco juice, came striding by, stepping right into the pulp and riling the wasps. One of them stung him. He turned to me, holding up a tree branch he was using as a walking stick, and cried “You bit me!”
I did not try to defend myself. Somehow, it seemed just about right – done in by a crazy old bum with a tree branch. But he lowered it slowly and turned back to his odyssey, mumbling obscenities. I continued to sit there another ten minutes, then slowly got up and went back to my room underneath the basement steps of a friend’s house, where I am writing this. I promised him I would be out of his house by the end of August. Maybe I should have followed the bum; he seemed to know where he was going.
When one door closes, it’s usually right on your fingers.
Fake IMO lol
I really hope it’s fake.
I teach homophony in my music classes. Should I be worried?
It would appear that Clarke Woodger is some form of homogenous homunculus. Don’t language schools require any form of homologation in your area?
Here in Utah we now pronounce it “Hamaphone”, not “Homophone”.
No, no. That’s HammaTIME! haha
Well, that’s what happens when one works for a homophonephobe.
You should sue, there is no reason that idiot should have been hired in the first place, let alone been able to keep his job while you lost yours. The illiteracy in this country is becoming frighteningly apparent, I wonder if it is being done intentionally…
Are you a homophone? Well, are ewe?
I am a homophone. I am apalled
Well, make up your mind! Are you a homophone, or are you a palled? :)
He may fear he is one. Seriously though, sorry this happened to you. Having been in similar situations I know how this sort of thing can make a person feel but take heart, you obviously have many supporters.
And you didn’t even get to teach homonyms…
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@ Clarke Woodger: In modification of the legendary “It’s the economy, stupid” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It%27s_the_economy,_stupid) I want to say to you: It’s the LATIN language origin, STUPID HOMO! (HOMO = man!)
I am sorry that people in charge of other people can be so stupid. Your boss isn’t qualified to be anywhere near a place of learning. You are well rid of that fool. Good luck to you!
You are well rid of that fool, who should be nowhere near a place of learning. Good luck to you!
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Anyone who needs to look up the word “homophone” in the dictionary or thinks it is “too advanced” for ESL students or any student past grade – oh – 2 or 3, I suppose – has no business owning an educational company. It’s sad.
He had to look up what “homophone” meant? We learned about homophones in first grade!
I learned about homophones in elementary school, there’s even a Veggie Tales song about them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0J-T2lr0Ms
What I want to know is where he “looked it up”. If he actually had well….Jebus.
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Wow, you know, I was really in need of a good laugh. So thanks for this.
Just the other day, I was talking about homonyms and homophones at work. I guess I should count myself lucky that I didn’t get written up or reprimanded.
Gosh. I can’t stop laughing…
I got sucked into this over on Facebook.. And I just wanted to swing by and offer my condolences. It must have been difficult working for someone with that much attitude who is clearly not qualified for the position. Kudos to you. And hey.. Maybe the door won’t slam on your fingers this time.. the power of positive thought is highly disregarded. That’s a pretty big door over there, and Opportunity’s knocking. Do what you love!
I note that the fb page for this diploma mill has been deleted. Guess your ex-boss couldn’t take the heat. Does this school get federal money?
I’m not homophone. I’m homophobe. And proud of it.
Litterally, being “homophobe” means being afraid of the same. In relation to sexuality, this clearly relates to a man who feels disgust at the thought of having sex with other men, or to a woman who does not want to be sexually approached by other women.
All very sane and normal. Nothing to be concerned about. And of course nobody should be allowed to discriminate against us homophobes. We are the reasonable majority.
I do not agree that homophobes are the “majority”, let alone reasonable.
Next time try using the word “niggardly” in the blog post instead.
http://www.webpronews.com/senator-says-niggardly-2012-03
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I just want to say that it’s a shame you experienced such negative treatment at the hands of someone so ignorant. You are clearly very intelligent and I hope this incident ultimately leads to a much better job for you.
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I really hope you get a new and better job soon man. How in the hell did we reach a point where some assclown like this runs an “educational” facility. I know you’ll be alright. There’s lots of love out there on the net for victims of stupidity. I really feel for the anyone who’s tricked into paying money to that jackass, thinking they’ll receive anything remotely like a decent educational experience.
I teach TESOL (teaching certified teachers to teach English to speakers of other languages) at small southern university where one of the class sessions is dedicated to a discussion of synonyms, antonyms, antagonyms, hypernyms, hyponyms, holonyms, meronym, polysemy, homophones, homonyms, homographs and acronyms. I’ve already added you and this abominable situation to next semester’s syllabus for class discussion. ESOL and TESOL professionals stand united with you, Mr. Torkildson.
You honor me with your concern, sir. If there is anything I can do for you and your future class please let me know!
Start writing books, Tim. (If you haven’t yet been published!) I got here from infowars, and it’s the first I’m reading your blog. You’re too talented a writer to go to waste and now that you’re famous on the interwebs… GO FOR IT, MAN! You practically have a fan base and everything! When one door closes…make some open!
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